How to Maintain Your Composure When Your Kids Are Losing Control Through The Power of Neuroscience
- Dr. Ashley Houchin
- Sep 9
- 3 min read
As parents, we often face moments of chaos when our children are overwhelmed by their emotions. Whether it’s a tantrum in the grocery store or a meltdown at home, keeping your cool can feel nearly impossible. However, understanding the neuroscience behind our emotional responses can provide practical strategies to help maintain composure during these tumultuous times.
Understanding Mirror Neurons
One key aspect of our emotional interaction with others is the role of mirror neurons. These specialized brain cells are activated both when we perform an action and when we observe someone else performing that same action. This means that when we see our child express anger or frustration, our brain naturally mirrors those emotions, making it easy to get swept up in the moment.
Understanding this concept is crucial; recognizing that it’s our brain’s natural response can help us disengage from the immediate emotional reaction and take a step back. Instead of reacting impulsively, we can remind ourselves to breathe and take control of our own emotions.
Engaging Your Larger Cortex
Once we acknowledge the influence of mirror neurons, the next step is to engage our larger cortex—the area of the brain responsible for logical thinking and self-regulation. This part of the brain enables us to analyze our emotions, differentiate between our feelings and those of our children, and engage in problem-solving.
When tensions rise, try implementing techniques that stimulate this area of your brain. Slow, deep breathing exercises can help calm your nervous system and trigger a sense of mindfulness. By creating a brief mental pause, you allow yourself the time to respond thoughtfully rather than reactively. This composed demeanor can, in turn, help soothe your child’s emotional state.
The Challenge of Staying Calm
It’s important to acknowledge that maintaining composure is not always easy. Parents face numerous stressors, and past experiences may influence how they react in the moment. In the face of a child’s distress, you may experience your own feelings of frustration or helplessness.
Being aware of this challenge can help you approach each situation with compassion, both for yourself and your child. It is a learning process, and the goal isn’t perfection; it’s about progress and finding strategies that work for you.
Outcomes for Children with Attuned Caregivers
The benefits of a calm, attuned caregiver extend well beyond the moment of crisis. Children who have caregivers who manage their emotions effectively are more likely to develop strong emotional regulation themselves. Research shows that these children grow up to be more resilient, empathetic, and socially competent.
When caregivers model emotional management, children learn to identify their feelings and express them appropriately. This skill set lays the foundation for healthier relationships and better communication as they navigate their own emotional experiences in the future.
Conclusion
Remember, parenting can be challenging, and it is completely normal to feel overwhelmed at times. By understanding mirror neurons and engaging your larger cortex, you create an environment that promotes emotional stability for both you and your child.
Through practicing these techniques, you’re not only building a toolkit for personal composure but also fostering emotional intelligence in your children. Although the journey may be difficult, the positive impact of your efforts will resonate for years to come.
Click the button below to subscribe. You'll receive email updates about our latest blog posts and a quarterly newsletter with practice information. I promise we won't spam you with loads of emails. Just a friendly hello, every once in awhile (like four times per year).
